Wednesday, April 01, 2009

I felt falling into the same hole again!

Long ago, there was time of me being not myself. I was crazy in love and almost crashed me life. It took me so long to get rid of it. Yet now I think I might going through that over and again. I pray to god not to treat me this way. I've been praying for years to find someone to love me and treat me like something. What I need is pretty simple--considerate & care! Is that so hard to find? I just felt that I stood in the street alone and watch my only chance slipped away from my fingers. I felt that I've fallen into the same hole again unconsciously and helplessly. I felt so desperate & despair. And stupid, too. I don't want my life end up like this either die alone or get hurt over and over again. Even though seen tough, I really feel fragile. My delicate heart can no more take this again. I just need someone to protect me. Away from all these... I just feel lacking of something in my heart in depth. I feel so extremely unsafe inside. The feelings are so strong that keep me away from loving other people or caring them. But I need to be loved and cared so much like druggie craving for pills or syringes. I'm so helpless but you just walked away like other else. I hopped you would be different but still the same after all. I know men never learn and never change. But I just wish that somehow you will be different... It's hard for people like us to find a proper life to live with or even someone to be with. It just make me sometimes felt that... never mind. It's all gibberish after all. Like black snake moan. And now I feel that my Cain's Mark hurt again...
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